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All friends are not created equal. In fact, very few people in your life will rise to the level of a Gold Star friend. What makes this crucial difference? Emotional generosity. Sadly, emotional generosity EG is in short supply, especially in our superficial social world. Sure, you probably have lots of friendsy friends. You know, the pals you hang with. The acquaintances you hike and enjoy a beer with now and then.
Your buddies at the espresso shop. The moms you laugh with on the soccer field. But EG friends? When something goes down in your life so bad that everyone else scatters. She shows up. He listens to you cry. She lets you sob and moan Friends you can count on rage against the world and fate and God herself.
Emotionally generous friends have your back. An EG friend takes EQ to the next level. Emotional generosity is emotional intelligence in action. Emotional generosity is active empathy unafraid of the open, authentic, and intimate understanding that is possible but rarely found in deep friendship. Emotional generosity is the ethic of reciprocal love. EG is the Golden Rule embodied in friendship:. Love others as you would be loved. A friend with EG is a person who understands active, giving love — not passive, silent love. Emotionally generous people see love as a verb.
They choose to listen and give and show up — because this is how love acts. I love people, and I have tons of buddies, pals, and acquaintances. I can walk down the street in my little town and greet every other person by name. I only have two close friends, however. As you might guess, both are emotionally generous friends. I learned about true friendship the hard way — and probably the way we all eventually learn about friendship: through tragedy. Tragedy and suffering seem humanly inevitable — eventually, they arrive. And when they do, you very quickly find out who your true friends are.
The scattering and vanishing of former friends during times of crisis is a hard, cold lesson. My takeaways? One emotionally generous friend is worth one hundred or one thousand superficial pals. An EG friend will stay when others walk, or run.
Your EG friend will hold your heart when it shatters into a billion little pieces. Your EG friend will listen, comfort, nod, and let you cry. In my experience, there are 13 things that make an EG friend so valuable and so desirable. These traits also make them relatively rare. Granted, not all of these qualities appear at once. They ebb and flow, and come and go over the timeline of your friendship.
But when crisis looms and tragedy strikes, your EG friend summons her powers, leaps to your side, and stays close by. I know what it takes to make it through the greatest pain, suffering, and loss: empathy, compassion, and emotional generosity. Learn to recognize the qualities of emotionally generous people. They are your truest supporters, cheerleaders, and friends. I hope you may recognize and value and love them before that time is near. Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface.
Learn more. If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. Start a blog. in. Felicia C. The 13 traits of an emotionally generous friend. Audrey Follow. EG is the Golden Rule embodied in friendship: Love others as you would be loved. If you need to cry, she offers her shoulder.
If you just need a warm physical presence, she sits close and holds you in your arms. She tries to see what you need in the moment of your need, and responds with active concern. Reciprocates— This friendship is a two-way street, despite the heavy traffic on your end. If you call, she calls right back. When you reach out, she responds. Reciprocation is embedded into your relationship. He gives back because he desires to. She shows she cares by responding to your worries, concerns, and conversation.
Relinquishes — Power struggles are nonexistent. Your friend relinquishes her own Friends you can count on when needed.
When times are tough, your needs come first. He does not need to be in charge of the relationship. Regardful — He holds you in high regard. She would never diminish your beautiful self, or write off your goals or accomplishments. Regardless of circumstances, she does not blame you, or rationalize what happened.
Respect emphasizes your interactions. Relishes time with you — Your time together is honored and appreciated. She wants to actively and fully spend time with you. However it works out, time together is valued. He reaches out consistently with plans, activities, and ideas.
She prioritizes together time. Rewords and reframes — She makes sure you see the bigger picture. Whatever the damage, she stands by as you work your way through the crisis or loss. Gently, she supports your efforts to find security, safety, and peace. She listens as you struggle, and helps you reframe your perspective.
Resistant — She resists the easy out or the simple fix. She stops others, and vets those who want come close. Your friend never pigeonholes you. She sees you in all your complexity and all your messy, perfect beauty. She resists giving advice or pushing a perspective.
With consistency and constancy, you feel supported. Everything will be all right, even on the darkest day.
She lets you know this, and repeats it — and means it. Refutes your enemies — If someone is against you, she fights for your rights and reputation. She protects you from those who wish you ill, and speaks strongly about your value, worth, and character. She defends you, and rises to your defense. She will not betray you. Resolute— Your friend believes in you. He wholeheartedly supports your cause and your feelings. He honors your choices. He does not falter in how he feels about you. Restorative — She brings some peace, calm, or relaxation to a crisis. Her presence is steady.
She works to restore equilibrium.
Real — You have a deep faith that your friend is real and upfront. There are no hidden agendas. She genuinely has your best interest at heart. She is genuine, truthful, and down-to-earth. I Love You Relationships now. Life is better with words — and dark chocolate. I Love You Follow. Written by Dr. More From Medium. Daniar H. The Good Men Project. Kemmy D.Friends you can count on
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Friends You Can Count On